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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Supermom - NOT!

This has been a year of huge personal growth for me. I have been forced to look at my strengths and look even closer at my weaknesses which is a hard thing to do. I have had to learn to give up control, trust in my family and realize that I am not a supermom.
Between starting my second year of college, working out issues with my son, working a job, writing a novel, taking care of the kids and house, after school activities and more, I was ready for a meltdown. I saw things that needed to be done, yet no one was doing them. Everything rested on me and I started to feel resentful especially to myself. You see, I have amazing friends with multiple children, who have time to make homemade cinnamon rolls, do amazing crafts, read to their kids every night, keep up with their looks and house and make it look easy. I, on the other hand, used to barely make it out of bed before the morning routine starts, was off to take the kids to school when one kid realizes they forgot their homework, the cats are not fed, I did not eat breakfast, the dishes are piled in the sink, I realize I wore the shirt with the grease stain and never washed my jeans with the chocolate spot on the thigh. I look and feel frazzled and wonder what I am doing wrong that I cannot do it all like the other moms. I felt inadequate, almost like I was failing as a mom. What was their secret, I would wonder? Why could they do it all and I could not?
I am not sure when it started or when I realized I could not do it on my own. I was not superwoman, nor did I want to be that unattainable ghostly image anymore. I had held myself up to unattainable standards because  I was not concentrating on what I was good at, only what I was not doing as well as the other moms. I had to realize that I will never be a good cook, or a great crafter. My time management skills needed to be addressed desperately but that could be fixed. I was a great mom and I was great at loving my kids which is all that mattered.
Once I realized I was not supermom I started asking for help around the house, then I started demanding it. By not allowing my family to help, I was doing a huge disservice to them. I simply told everyone that I could not do it all on my own, nor should I have to, and that everyone was part of this family which meant everyone had to help out. I gave up the control and it was liberating. Yes, when my husband cooks while I am at work, sometimes he does not cook a vegetable. Will that kill my kids? If my cooking as not, then this won't. Does my 7 year old vaccuum as well as I do. No, but I am grateful for the help and she feels proud for helping the family out. Ultimately I am raising children who will help without even thinking of it with their future spouses because that is just the way it is. Because what kind of message was I sending my kids before? That they were not good enough to help? That the woman can do it all? Was that fair to put all that on my daughter since she would have the same skewered expectation that she was supposed to do it all? Or that my son did not have to help his partner because it was "supposed" to be the woman that takes care of it all?  Their expectation going into life would be wrong and it would be my fault for not setting them straight. Thankfully that will not happen. Everyone helps out and life is much smoother.
 So for all you women out there that think you can do it all on your own. Why? Life is easier when you have help.

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